I did it: I made an Instagram account for my personal training services. I did it: I made & posted my first ad on Facebook. Creating a new social media account might sound like the most little thing to do, & making a post on Facebook even more so.
But you might not know how fateful that one step looked in front of me. It feels like walking out onto the edge of a diving board for the first time. The clear, blue water looks inviting, & you know you’ll be ok if you jump, but what if something goes wrong? It’s simply, if irrationally, scary. It was a big step into making this “passion” (small ugh) into my job.
This week the monster of self-doubt & fear was bigger than my confidence & bravery. It’s scary to be vulnerable. What if this is not even what I want to do? What if I’m making a big mistake? Just search “why personal training businesses fail,” & the results are daunting. Why do I think I am the exception? What do I really want for my future?
But then I remember what I actually do want: I want to see your face light up when you feel connected to your body. I want to affirm to you that exercise doesn’t need to be done from a place of shame & self-hatred. I want to help you feel extremely empowered by your own strength & abilities. I want you to know you are enough, right now. I want to aid you in building loving & healthful habits into your life.
I also want to be empowered in my own life, doing what I enjoy & making money from it. I want to be better at loving myself too. & I want to do more than serve myself.
I keep reminding myself that if I try & fail, & try & fail, look stupid, do it wrong, figure it out, get better, fail again, get up –that if i do that, it’s still better than not having tried at all.
I keep hearing Brené Brown‘s words in my head: “I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
So here I am, world.